This post is going to be a more poetic approach to a topic I’ve covered, but bothers me enough to talk about it twice. I came across the above picture scrolling through some social media outlet–probably Instagram or Pinterest. It hit me… hard and deep in my soul. I loved it so much I ended up screenshotting it and sending it to about 5 of my soul sisters. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told you were “too much.” Too much emotion wrapped into one being. Too much cussing coming out of your mouth for a lady (which is just bullshit by the way.) Too much body and booty to fit into society’s favorite size. Too much sarcasm for healthy conversation. Too much of yourself making other people uncomfortable. Since you can’t see me, I’ll just tell you that I’m raising both hands… and both legs… while still typing–impressive, I know. Oh shit, was that too much bragging? Damn.
Before I continue, I know this is a statement that plagues both women and men. Shit, I’ve definitely been guilty of telling a man or two that he was “too much” of something. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. But, disclaimer, I’m a woman. For that reason, and that reason alone I will be writing from a woman’s perspective. As a non-man, I can’t write from a male perspective. Sorry, if that seems one sided, but I refuse to write about something unless I can speak from my own knowledge and experience. That being said, time to move on.
I’ve had my heart “broken” more than enough times by this statement. It’s an easy and cliche way to break up with someone or cut someone loose, almost as bad as “it’s not you, it’s me.” YEAH, OKAYYYYY. Whenever I was told this, I would spend countless amounts of time trying to figure out which part of me was too much. Which part of me I needed to or could tone down to find and keep “love.” SO much time wasted. There’s a beautiful thing about finding yourself in your twenties. You come to a lot of brilliant realizations at an age young enough to end up thriving for the rest of your amazing life…
One day, I can’t tell you exactly when… Maybe it was after the 1,217,346th time I was told something about me was too much… I realized that was just not true. I have never been too much. I have always been the perfect amount of me and I continue to grow into even more me as I find more and more pieces of myself in new experiences and reflections. Never have I been too much. Unfortunately, I’ve met more than enough people who just weren’t enough. Now, I don’t mean this as a diss or a slander. Being not enough is in no way a bad thing even though it sounds that way. In my opinion, if you’re not enough then you simply haven’t found the you that you’re supposed to be yet. Or, another possibility… not being enough for me doesn’t mean you’re not going to be more than enough for someone else. We just weren’t the right level of “enough” for each other. And that, I can live with.
What I can’t get behind is someone ever telling someone else that they are too much of anything. If we do that we are discouraging people from exploring gifts that they need to be sharing with the world. We have way too many people living within their experiential means, meekly, and going through the motions daily. What we need are more people who are willing to be unapologetically themselves, sharing the gifts they were granted with the world, and living their passion as euphorically as possible.
I have a theory–far fetched–but fuck it. What if, everyone stopped holding back begrudgingly and started releasing all of their too muchness with the world happily? So many people spend so much time calculating each and every thing they do, I feel like they forget to just breathe and live. That’s just stressful. If we do what I’m suggesting, would the world be a better place? Would we all be happier? Less stressed? Hell, I don’t know for sure, but probably. I’m only a twenty something year old trying to chase happiness and die old with 18 dogs by my side one day. #lifegoals I know! It’s just a theory. I know ever since I’ve stopped being worried about being too much I’ve been significantly happier. That could just be me. Boom. World peace. Just figured that shit out in one afternoon! You’re welcome beauty pageant contestants every where.
Back to too muchness, though. I think this is a phrase we just need to try and remove from our vocabulary as much as we can. We can’t remove it completely, because sometimes we just need to say there is too much of something in the world. Too much darkness and nonsensical harm. Too much poverty. Too much flawed legislature within our political system. Too much salt in your food (which I sadly did to my meal prepped dinner for this week).
What I shouldn’t hear, though, is a man telling me he doesn’t want to go on a second date with me because he thinks that I’m just “too much woman for him to handle.” Well, buddy… your loss. First of all, now you don’t get the wonderful experience of my hilarious presence in your life. Second of all, I am not meant to be handled.
Handle (verb) meaning (1) to feel or manipulate with your hands or (2) to manage.
No one will ever handle me. EVER. I am not a thing to manipulate or manage. I have handled my damn self for quite a few years now and I’d say I’m doing more than okay. Independence is my strong suit and I don’t need or want any man to come and handle me.
Rather, what I want over being handled is to be treated the way men treat food. No, not in the sense of being salivated over like a piece of meat. That’s just wrong and many women live with that disgusting experience every day–I know I do.
Rather, what I mean is I want my personality to be sipped and favored like a fine wine. I want my intricacies to be appreciated like whiskey. I want my rough edges to be the bitter lemon that alone leaves a sour taste in your mouth, but when mixed with the rest of your life becomes the flavor in your tea that makes it all come together and makes you feel better. I want my quirkiness to be welcomed like your morning cup of coffee. I want my overpowering flavors to be the part of your recipe that brings everything together. I want my too muchness to inspire you to try something new.
Too much shouldn’t send you running for the hills. It should make you curious, excited, adventurous, intrigued, and most of all left in awe. We live in a world where “being yourself” is celebrated to an extent. Once you’ve reached society’s tipping point of “uniqueness” you’re asked to conform. If someone is too much we should celebrate them. They’ve made it past the endless obstacles and hurdles life puts us through trying to convince us that conforming is best. Their too much survived, no matter how many assassins were sent to destroy it. Celebrate the too much. Embrace it. Savor it.
I don’t fear being too much. What I fear is a life lived conforming to not enoughness. I fear losing the me that I’ve found, to become the me that the world wants me to be. It’s so easy to tone yourself down, but you are doing no one a favor in doing this. Be yourself. Unapologetically and completely. Don’t know who you are? Search, explore, wander until you find it. Try new things, read until you drop, meet as many new and different people as you can. Do all of this and more until you find the you that is too much.
With happiness in my heart,
Your resident “too much” girl